the judas effect

fate it seems is ironic. i am the youngest of three kids. i'll be the first to admit that i am spoiled. mama's boy. but i'm a grown man now. i am now beginning to understand how the world works and how it doesn't work, yada yada yada. like what i said, fate is ironic. i am now in a position where i take care of two younger cousins -- teenagers at that. i have never been the eldest amongst family. i have never been in a situation where what i do is getting noticed. i have never been in a situation where i have to be careful. i'm having a hard time.

though i did not ask for this situation nor i need to involve myself in this situation, family is family. i decided to move to this country, this state, this city. proximity involved me -- like it or not. and god knows i love those kids. i guess they're the little brother and sister i never had.

i've been around since they were in middle school. at that time, their mom was their number one person in the whole wide world. they get a tummy ache -- mom! they need a ride to go there -- mom! they need a new game -- mom! but i've always been the cool cousin because i was older -- mom! yeah right.

now, they are in college and they seem to get in trouble all the time. nothing major -- yet. but i think more trouble than they should be in. this is the time i tell you that i sort of feel bad that i told them all my escapades in college. and their mom turns to me for guidance since these kids do look up to me. it's a bummer yet i am obliged and man, i will do everything in my power to get these kids in shape. but it's turning out to be overwhelming. i admit that there are times when i do not know what to say. do i see myself in them? yes! and that scares me. i scare me.

i've been in their shoes just ten years ago. and i was no role model. god knows how much heartache and headache i gave my parents. did i turn out good? i'd like to think so. i just want them to realize that they have what i cannot bring back -- time. they can have the whole world in the palm of their hands if only they go get it.

this is for mike and lauren. may you guys realize that you deserve the best in life. now go get it!