creatures of habit

my mom is here visiting me for the next three weeks. she's the ultimate creature of habit -- good habits. how i wish i had her good habits. this is her daily routine.

6am
-getup
-juice some funky concoction
-tai chi (sp?)
-eat 2 pieces of toast, butter is optional

7am
-shower

730am
-work like she's 30 years old
she's a cpa so, 3 copies of everything, filed and stamped and rechecked twice.

well, you guys get the picture. no need for further details. workaholic? definitely. creature of habit? most definitely.

she's 65 and has no signs of retiring. her own words, "retirement is for patsies." which i'm kinda glad because i've seen her retire once and it just made her miserable. so, coming out of retirement, she found a second career teaching (and investing, and real estate, and reinvesting, yada yada yada.) did i mention i love doing business with accountants? well, their strict attention to detail is the reason. back to the topic, i've seen her for 30 years doing the same thing over and over. staying healthy, working hard, playing hard.

i mean, i wish i had the same habits as her. i tend to overdo things. no balance. i've been known to be able to pull 3 20 hour days at a time and i am known to pull 72 hours of not doing anything at all. too extreme, too burnt out, too stressed out, very unhealthy. maybe i do not have the urge to develop these habits.

i think habits are formed out of necessity. necessity to make time, necessity to get in touch with business partners, necessity to fit in, etc. i'm pretty sure time management plays a good deal out of all this. productivity is an end result. maybe in due time, i'll also be developing my own work habit.

oh well, it's noon. luch time with my mom. on the hour.

regrets

i am happy-go-lucky. i never look back and think what i could have done better. i never dwell on the past. now, is the most important thing to me. i don't regret anything.

but i do. it seems that the older i get, the more regrets i have. i should've done better in school, i shouldn't have quit that job, i should've waited longer. i think regrets has a lot to do with the present that i dwell in. of course, if it was in the future then it wouldn't be a regret.

you see, the reason i'm writing this is because today, i found out something. an issue about a missing $2000. normally, i wouldn't care about this. in a way, i'm glad it's not a bigger amount but it's not the money. it could very well be $20,000. as i said, it's not the money, rather it's the way it was lied about. after all the promises of being transparent, i've been lied to. my kid was used as an excuse to hide that money. and that pisses me off bad.

well, im still pissed and i can't seem to make a coherrent paragraph. this is giving me a headache.

the judas effect

fate it seems is ironic. i am the youngest of three kids. i'll be the first to admit that i am spoiled. mama's boy. but i'm a grown man now. i am now beginning to understand how the world works and how it doesn't work, yada yada yada. like what i said, fate is ironic. i am now in a position where i take care of two younger cousins -- teenagers at that. i have never been the eldest amongst family. i have never been in a situation where what i do is getting noticed. i have never been in a situation where i have to be careful. i'm having a hard time.

though i did not ask for this situation nor i need to involve myself in this situation, family is family. i decided to move to this country, this state, this city. proximity involved me -- like it or not. and god knows i love those kids. i guess they're the little brother and sister i never had.

i've been around since they were in middle school. at that time, their mom was their number one person in the whole wide world. they get a tummy ache -- mom! they need a ride to go there -- mom! they need a new game -- mom! but i've always been the cool cousin because i was older -- mom! yeah right.

now, they are in college and they seem to get in trouble all the time. nothing major -- yet. but i think more trouble than they should be in. this is the time i tell you that i sort of feel bad that i told them all my escapades in college. and their mom turns to me for guidance since these kids do look up to me. it's a bummer yet i am obliged and man, i will do everything in my power to get these kids in shape. but it's turning out to be overwhelming. i admit that there are times when i do not know what to say. do i see myself in them? yes! and that scares me. i scare me.

i've been in their shoes just ten years ago. and i was no role model. god knows how much heartache and headache i gave my parents. did i turn out good? i'd like to think so. i just want them to realize that they have what i cannot bring back -- time. they can have the whole world in the palm of their hands if only they go get it.

this is for mike and lauren. may you guys realize that you deserve the best in life. now go get it!